When I was to have surgery again for the third time, I wondered how I would handle it this time around.
Knowing what laid in front of me and what I was going to have to deal with for the next few weeks, I would often tell God “I just don’t think I can do this”. After the first surgery, I was grateful just to be alive and well. I had a different perspective on life and I felt a huge sense of peace, in my mind and in my body. After the second surgery though, I was frustrated, easily-angered, and impatient with the healing process. I just wanted to be back to my normal self. And what drove me nuts was knowing I to go under the knife again a couple months later.
So as I drove home to Iowa for my last surgery this week, I was nervous. Not just for the success of the surgery, but for my emotional state as well. I wanted to recover well. I wanted to go back to a place of peace and thankfulness. Taking it moment by moment, just like I did the first time. I didn’t want to hate the road that God chose for me to travel. If this is His way of healing me, then I want to be continuously thankful, not resentful of the process.
I found myself wondering how in the heck I was going to do all this again. I didn’t want to do it! I knew what was waiting for me and I knew it sucked.
But worrying about the road ahead wasn’t going to help me. The only thing I could do was trust God.
I look at where I’ve been, and I see, in many small and sometimes unbelievable ways, how God got me through it. When I remember how faithful He was before to see me through some of the darkest days of my life, it enables me to look at the road ahead with peace of mind and trust that He’ll see me through to the end.
Sometimes, when you look at the tough road ahead of you, you wonder how you’re going to make it. But somehow, when you’re in the midst of it, you find yourself making it through. And you realize during those times that it has nothing to do with your own strength, perseverance, or ability. It was God working in you to make it happen.
When you’re in the midst of your struggle, you somehow see yourself doing what you never thought you could do. That treacherous mountain becomes a manageable molehill. And before you know it, you’re looking back at the road you’ve traveled and you think to yourself “Wow…I can’t believe I did that”.
You always end up making it through. Always. You don’t know how it happens, but it does.
And that alone makes the unknown circumstances of the path ahead seem not so bad.