Today I woke up with very little time to get ready. I was up too late last night watching a movie that was so not good (definitely not worth losing precious sleep time over) and I kept convincing myself I could sleep for 15 more minutes. Just 15 more. I can shower at 7…7:15…7:30…
Usually my routine takes no longer than 30 minutes. I try to keep it short because I like to give myself an hour for devotion/journaling time in the morning before I go to work. It’s honestly my favorite part of the day. A warm cup of coffee, the hustle and bussle of a coffe house that’s just getting started, comforting music in my ears, and a pen in hand. No obligations as of yet. No stresses pulling at me. Just me and God.
It’s a very important and peaceful time of day for me. And today, I missed it.
My days never seem quite right when I miss this time. I feel a little bit off, you know?
So, trying to recover this time that I treasure so dearly, I decided to read my devotional at work. (Shh, don’t tell my boss.) I know, I know..they’re not paying me to have an online devo sesh, but the way I see it, God’s the Ultimate Boss, so His opinion is really the only one that matters, right?
Anywho. I quickly and distractedly read through today’s devotion online. It was something about hospitality but I read through it so fast, I’m not even sure I could recall any of the specifics for you. But that doesn’t matter. God had to have appreciated my efforts, even if it was only 5 minutes..
As I skimmed over the Bible verses the author assigned for us to read, I suddenly realized that I was not paying attention at all to what I was reading. I was just trying to “get it done” instead of actually learn something. I was too distracted by my emails on the dual screen next to me and I was worried someone would see me “not working” or something.
Here I am thinking God should be happy I’m trying, when really I’m just insulting Him.
God doesn’t want my half-hearted efforts. He wants my full attention. Doesn’t matter if it’s 5 minutes or 50 minutes; if I’m just doing it out of obligation and not out of devotion, then I’m missing the point.
What if, what if, reading the Bible was not about me doing my Christian duty? What if it was about learning and growing and gaining wisdom?
What if I truly believed that the Bible was sharper than a two-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12), could prepare me for my day (2 Timothy 3:16-17), light the way (Psalm 119:105), and give me wisdom and guidance to navigate through life (Joshua 1:8)?
Skimming through the Bible isn’t going to do me any good. I’m cutting myself short by not giving God the time of day to teach me something new and to do some soul-searching, good works within me. Reading the Bible to “feel good” about my Christian walk, to place a check mark next to the box that says “read the Bible daily”, is really just about me being religious. Not necessarily me being in relationship with God.
Which that is what this is, right? A relationship? You know, the kind where you both talk and listen and devote your full attention to each other? God’s doing His part. He’s there with ears attentive to my voice. And He has a lot to tell me, too.
So maybe I should stop giving Him my efforts and give Him my full attention instead. I think that’s what morning quiet time is all about.