Have any of you ever felt like you’re mind is running a million miles per hour?
Sometimes that’s not a bad thing.
For instance, a week ago I was in this super day-dreamy mood where I couldn’t focus on anything I was doing. I was in this state of complete calm and happiness because my mind was racing with thoughts about my future in writing, the future of LB, how I’m going to decorate my room when I move, and what new outfits I would soon buy for spring.
I was in this state of renewal where I saw a whole bunch of possibilities that seemed to be endless. I felt like reinventing myself – have you ever been in that stage? Figuring out who you are and what you’re becoming? My mind was whirling with dreams. For my writing, my career, my ministry, and myself. I felt empowered and excited for what was to come.
But sometimes, having your mind running with thoughts can be destructive.
This week I’ve been feeling opposite of what I felt last week. I feel overwhelmed by my dreams. I question if my dreams will ever become a reality and I see the things I hope for starting to slip through my fingers. I’m slowly growing impatient with god’s timing because I know He knows my heart and what I desire to do in life, but I feel like he’s taking his sweet time providing it.
I feel overwhelmed by money and all the upcoming payments I need to make. While trying to be smart with my money, I feel confused and disoriented because I can’t decide where my money should go. Should it go toward the necessities of my apartment? Should it go toward a writer’s conference? Should I save it up for all the weddings and trips I’ll be taking this summer?
My mind is whirling with questions. I cannot even put it to words. All I can say is I’m anxious about my future in ministry/writing, my financial security, making the right financial and career choices, private matters between me and God, managing LB, and getting everything done that needs to be done (because I’ve got a to-do list of personal responsibilities up the wazoo!)
I’m exhausted by my own thinking (and I bet you are too, now! Whew!)
Where do we find balance, you know?
Where do we draw the line between trusting God and also doing our part? Because sometimes I do my part so much so that it get’s into God’s side of the line. And even though he tries to take the burden from me, I just move his line and keep all the burden on my side.
Every night I go to sleep asking God to give me rest. I ask Him to quiet my mind because I simply cannot think anymore. I just need an escape from my own mind.
Have any of you ever felt this way?
I know God is on my side. I know he’s going to take care of everything and he’ll provide me with the answers I need to keep moving forward. But sometimes it’s easy to forget the truth that God is always with us and wants to make our burdens light. I so easily forget that not only am I supposed to cast all my burdens on Him, but to then leave them in His hands and not take them back.
I’ve been saying this a lot to God lately: “God, will you promise to stick by me? Will you just be with me? God, will you take my hand and promise not to let go? Because I can’t do this without you and I can’t handle these circumstances without you taking complete control over them. Just promise me you won’t leave me, okay?”
Even though He never leaves and His promise to be with me has been the same from the beginning, I still find comfort in asking/reminding Him to stick close by. It’s a moment of reassurance that gives me peace.
Have a lovely peace-filled day friends (for me!)